In January 2014, I attended an urban ministry class at Reformed Theological Seminary in Jackson, Mississippi, through the Reformed African American Network. Dr. Carl Ellis said something there that startled me: although he has talked with countless urban ministries that target women and children, very few target men.
Why is this the case? First, kids are the low-hanging fruit in the inner city. They are the most trusting and forgiving. They are the most impressionable. They are the least entrenched in street culture. They are the most attracted to the outlets that parachurch ministries offer’a safe place to play organized sports, to enjoy food, fun, trips, education, and so on. Logically, mothers are next in this continuum, as they often serve as both providers and primary caregivers on very limited incomes. Therefore, when you offer services that enrich their children or lighten financial burdens, mothers are usually receptive. Indeed, these acts of kindness and love to women and children build strong bridges for gospel ministry. For this reason I applaud those ministries that provide these services with integrity and Christ-centeredness.
There is something missing, however, with this traditional approach to urban ministry’the men. Most people would agree that reaching urban men is extremely difficult, which is why the majority of urban work seems to have an unapologetic bent toward women and children. But our priorities are backwards, and we must change this for the long-term health of the communities we serve.
This shuffle in priorities will be even harder and cause even more sleepless nights than after-school programs, job training, summer camps, stores, housing, core-group development, clinics, and schools. I know it sounds outrageous, but I believe it's worth some strong consideration. In fact, I believe so strongly in what I'm about to say that I'm staking my entire ministry on it.
In urban communities, the men are often linked to the majority of crime, drugs, and destruction. Many factors play into those realities, and a lack of personal responsibility leads the list. In urban communities, however, there are also many fathers and stepfathers who have been there for their children from the first day. There are many hardworking men who own small businesses and who love to work. Despite the media-heightened reputation of murder, crime, and extreme selfishness, there are many urban men who maintain a high level of personal responsibility and provide support to their families.
If you can look past the negative stereotype, you are immediately confronted by the hardened exterior of many of these men, which can also lead us to neglect them. Just approaching them takes a certain amount of courage. They are not overly impressed by the acts of kindness that easily engage women and children. In fact, ministries that give resources and time primarily to children and women without the participation of urban men can have a crushing effect on those men. Good intentions insult them by reminding them of what they are not able to provide for their families, even though many desperately desire to do so. Men often turn to anger and isolation rather than accept handouts that make them feel humiliated. Sadly, this has led many of us to write them off, to think they are not worth our time or attention. I know that some people say working with these men requires too much work and generates far too little return. But I say we have made a terrible mistake.
Targeting men isn't easy. In my own experience, I have sometimes invested in men with very little return. Therefore, I'm not pleading with you for a "broad-net approach" to men's ministry. I'm asking you to target a subset of the whole. It's what I have termed the "urban synagogue."
As the Apostle Paul spread the gospel and planted churches from city to city, it was his custom to go to Jewish synagogues first and reason with the Jews (Acts 17:1-5). If they received him, great; if they did not, he would move on to the Gentiles. Among a subset of men in urban communities, there is a goldmine for this kind of ministry. The "urban synagogue" will most likely not be a large group of men (initially, maybe five to ten men at the most). It probably will not be immediate "newsletter material," nor should it be. The men in urban communities are wary of ulterior motives, and exploiting them will not go unnoticed or unaddressed. Furthermore, if these men are placed on a pedestal or in front of a church too quickly, the system may collapse, with far-reaching consequences.
Generally speaking, the men most likely to respond to urban ministry attempts are usually twenty-five years old or older. They often have serious relationships and live with their wives or long-term girlfriends. Usually these relationships, while committed, have existed anywhere from five to twenty-five years and are laced with wounds and scars that will have to be redeemed. These men often take their work seriously’for them, unemployment is not an option. Whether they have odd jobs, stable employment opportunities, or their own small businesses, these men work hard and have little tolerance for laziness. Within the family structure, these men often have children in the home. They may have biological children with their partner or children they are trying to raise from extended family members. In my experience in urban ministry, I have seen these grown men cry for these kids and make tremendous sacrifices for them. If engaged, these men will engage you. They are also social commentators with in-depth opinions about the state of youth, education, the justice system, church, marriage, family, and the economy. These men are also slow to violence. While they will protect their families from any real threat, they usually keep low profiles. They will also look for tangible ways to bless their communities and the youth outside their homes.
Why target these men? First, the created order tells us of the importance of the role of men in God's plan. Adam was the one to whom God looked when things came undone in the garden. If God held Adam primarily responsible by calling him into account first after the Fall, why do we first appeal to Eve? As much as I truly love working with women and children, I believe that our ministry approach is backwards. Second, no one argues against the premise that the deterioration of families and the absence of fathers is the foundational problem in the demise of urban communities. If men are at the core of this problem, why are they not at the core of the solution?
I'm profiling this subset of men because there is so much that works within this context. These men already display reflections of the character of God in how they treat their children and how they work to provide and sacrifice for their families. They do all these things in an extremely countercultural way. They are usually men who never knew their fathers and never had fatherly examples, yet they themselves are fathers. No one ever taught them how to be men, yet they walk in manhood against all odds. These men are at a stage in life where they genuinely care about their community and simply need other people to walk beside them and support them. Through the power of the gospel and the process of discipleship, these snapshots of hope can be built into community pillars.
I am proposing that we spend our time, talent, and resources with these men. I believe that God has placed within them the solutions for lasting change in their communities. I believe that deep down inside they are waiting for someone to see them as the key to long-term systemic change. I believe that when this "urban synagogue"’this group of men’is reached, they will breathe life into their families and homes. They will breathe life into their communities, and they will breathe life into the younger men in their communities by being examples of what they too can accomplish if they place God at the center of their lives.
